An open letter to Cheryl Cole

Oh Chezza.

I really hope all the rubbish in the papers is in fact rubbish and that Mr Cole hasn't been up to rudies with people that aren't you. But IF he has I just want you to know you're welcome round here any time.

You don't live that far away so I can come and get you and I've got lots of your favourite Blistex lip balm and SunSilk shampoo so you won't need to bring anything.

I'll even let you use my La Mer moisturiser and I never lend that to anyone. We can paint our nails Chanel Satin Blue and sing Love Machine on SingStar. It will be wicked.And you can test the new Estee Lauder Double Wear mascara so you won't have panda-eyes for the paps.

So I hope he hasn't cheated on you but if he did, pop round here. We'll have a giggle, honest. Then we'll go down to Stamford Bridge and kick his arse all over the pitch.